March 19, 2011

3.19.11

back to blogging...

i guess it's time to write again.
to share my thoughts.

this first post is going to get a little deep.
why?
because this is who i am today.
this is where i am today.
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on april 10, 2010 jesus took my mother-in-law, anne, to his heaven.
it's been almost a year.
and i think it's finally hit me.
yes, i've been grieving.
yes, i've cried.
yes, i've hurt.
but i just felt that it was too easy.
i've lost loved ones before and it was hard right away.
real hard.
this time was different.
was it because i had to be strong?
was it because i had a 10 month old little boy to focus on?
grief is a strange thing.
always different.

this week was different.
i had to face reality.
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this is our reality:
i have a 21 month old little boy that does not know his grandma.
he won't remember her.
he only had 10 short months with her.
10 short months of her neck kisses.
he can look at a picture and point out "granma annie."
he can say that grandma is in his "heart" and point to his chest.
he can repeat "lobe wu granma annie."
but, he will have no memories of his own.
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i have to do my best to honor her.
to keep her a part of our lives.

anne's birthday is on st. patrick's day.
such a fun day to have a birthday, i always thought.
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this thursday we had a birthday party.
a birthday party at the cemetery.
i hadn't been out there yet.
partially because i didn't know if i could.
but, i had to.

so, my sister-in-law and i loaded up the kiddos and headed to hordville.
we took 4 balloons (one for each grandkid) and a happy birthday balloon.
libby - 2.5 years
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cash - 1.5 years

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jade - 11 months

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mira - 17 months -- lives a few hours away and was not able to join us.

it was a windy day, but the sun was shining.
we were surprised to see that her stone had been delivered.
and someone had left a green pinwheel by her grave.
we did our best to hold tight to the balloons and position the kids for some photos.

so. much. joy. for those little ones.
just want grandma annie would have wanted.
it was a beautiful moment.
but so beautifully sad.

so beautifully sad...



this is our reality.

2 comments:

Brady Andrew Weedin said...

This is such a beautiful post, Michaela--made me cry. I was thinking about all of you guys on Thursday...I just cannot even imagine how hard that was. Love you all!

Ali

Jamie said...

Ugh. Crying. xoxo.

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