March 30, 2011


the end of march?
did i really just type that?
that means i have less than 3 months to plan mr. toot's 2nd birthday party.
who am i kidding?
why would i ever prepare in advance?
people don't actually do that...right??

just a couple pictures of the past week or so.
miss jade was baptised. (pictures to come)
---i can take the picture.
---i can upload them onto my computer.
---getting them edited, well that's another story.

after the baptism, the kiddos were playing outside while brett cooked burgers.
i just snap. snap. snap. away.
here's a couple of my favorites!
miss libby lou.
so sweet.
we love having chad's sister's family so close.
cash loves the "choo choos"
eyes light up when he hears the distant whistle.
he also has some sort of off-beat-stomp-clap-dance thing he does.
i need to catch this on video.
the boy has moves.
cousin libby has real, live "choo choos" right in her backyard.

and for a little craft.
my ma gave me a silhouette for christmas.
she's awesome.
i just got it out of the box and used it for the first time
i did not forget about her (the silhouette, not my ma).
that silhouette and i, we're going to be friends.
...just not there yet.
i struggled a bit to get started, but think i have the hang of it for now.
our first project was glass etching for a bachelorette party gift.
my old co-worker/college friend is getting married in june and was back from arizona for the weekend.
i love giving handmade gifts.
i love that "S"
need to make a little "G" for our "homez" (as cash calls it)
here's what i whipped up on saturday morning.
yes, the shower was saturday night.
normal people don't do things in advance?
do they?


i guess i should explain my goals here.
i just want to document our day to day.
my thoughts.
what's happenin'
probably lots on pics.
a few crafts.
then....print this into a cute little book.

peace out!

March 19, 2011


back to blogging...

i guess it's time to write again.
to share my thoughts.

this first post is going to get a little deep.
because this is who i am today.
this is where i am today.
on april 10, 2010 jesus took my mother-in-law, anne, to his heaven.
it's been almost a year.
and i think it's finally hit me.
yes, i've been grieving.
yes, i've cried.
yes, i've hurt.
but i just felt that it was too easy.
i've lost loved ones before and it was hard right away.
real hard.
this time was different.
was it because i had to be strong?
was it because i had a 10 month old little boy to focus on?
grief is a strange thing.
always different.

this week was different.
i had to face reality.
this is our reality:
i have a 21 month old little boy that does not know his grandma.
he won't remember her.
he only had 10 short months with her.
10 short months of her neck kisses.
he can look at a picture and point out "granma annie."
he can say that grandma is in his "heart" and point to his chest.
he can repeat "lobe wu granma annie."
but, he will have no memories of his own.
i have to do my best to honor her.
to keep her a part of our lives.

anne's birthday is on st. patrick's day.
such a fun day to have a birthday, i always thought.
this thursday we had a birthday party.
a birthday party at the cemetery.
i hadn't been out there yet.
partially because i didn't know if i could.
but, i had to.

so, my sister-in-law and i loaded up the kiddos and headed to hordville.
we took 4 balloons (one for each grandkid) and a happy birthday balloon.
libby - 2.5 years

cash - 1.5 years


jade - 11 months


mira - 17 months -- lives a few hours away and was not able to join us.

it was a windy day, but the sun was shining.
we were surprised to see that her stone had been delivered.
and someone had left a green pinwheel by her grave.
we did our best to hold tight to the balloons and position the kids for some photos.

so. much. joy. for those little ones.
just want grandma annie would have wanted.
it was a beautiful moment.
but so beautifully sad.

so beautifully sad...

this is our reality.